Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Introducing how to be mad elegantly

hahaha, mumpung mau liburan cyin, PAS NANNYLESS KANNN? hahaha,
event lebaran ini emang selalu membuat jidat berkerut yes buk ibuk?
but worry not, i've come to an equation,
that the older are the kids, the more time mommy has to fix her make up on lebaran day,
so those with babies and toddlers, heads up high woman!!!
you're going to nail this (year's bad time), and you'll survive the storm on upcoming years.

now, this post works best on children age 3 yo and above, pokonya pas mau babay babyhood deh
knapa?
simply karena mereka udah bisa diajak ngobrol, bisa diskusi, bisa bantu cari solusi masalah.
terutama masalah yang menyebabkan mama emosiii, mama kepingin marahhh, sabarnya habisss!

ok, firstly, a little bit of milestone of Ar is 6-- and Kin is 4+.

Ar is 6-- yo hahaha, i'm sorry i'm too lazy to put up 6 yo, xx mo, xx day, xx hr, xx min, xx sec,
he's turning 6 next month uhuwww!
ibuknya emotional hahaha, and when i say emotional, i mean it, emosional parahhh,
soalnya umur 6 tu kan gerbang babay good bye nya little kid to big kid menurut gue.
can't believe how fast he's grown bangettt.

meanwhile Kin is 4+ yo, keliatan banget sih emang anak perempuan mateng nya lebih cepet ya,
she's behaving better, dibanding 4 yo Ar hahaha, more mature, more organized,
anaknya udah kodrati perempuan bangettt, senengnya beberes, kalo dimintain tolong entengan,
alhamdulilah kinasihnya minta ampunnn *pasti turun dari sayah*
emotionally udah lebih bisa diatur, making my life easier,
waktu Ar 4 yo, masih kaya anak gorila sih hahaha, maunya lari lari terus, motorik kasar bangettt.

makin dua duanya gede, makin mereka seneng main berdua sih, both love to play pretend,
makanya kadang kadang seringkali area main nya tu suka meluas, diluar area main mereka,
masalahnya, kadang kadang bantal guling selimut gue suka terhampar gitu di lantai,
padahal sebelumnya abis pada makan biskuit disitu. hadehhh, ya kotor dong nak *hih*
pas gue tanya, knapa ini banyak mainan di tempat-tempat yang bukan tempat bermain...

mereka jawab : itu ceritanya kantor, disini rumahnya. kan jauh, terus suka kena macet,
ini disini jalan tol nya, harus lewat sini biar gak macet.
ouuu... alrite.
*akupun tutup mata sama keberantakan yang ada**sigh*
and repeat this mantra
*i'm so zen**i'm so zen**i'm so zen**zen**zen**zen*

hahaha, but it's ok really, karna gue seneng mereka bisa kembangin imajinasi seluas luasnya,
just be a child, a happy child. bisa main apa aja, bisa jadi apa aja. that's what i have in mind.
dan mostly, it's ok karna mereka happily mau beresin semuanya lagi hahaha,
jadi kalo udah selesai play pretend dan mau pindah main sepeda,
mereka akan beberes sendiri well, ngga sendiri banget, dibantu mbak nya.

and how did we do that?
well, my method, this maybe wrong, but i do what every mother probably has done, by threat.
not by throwing direct threat ketika mereka ngga mau clean up sih, that won't be effective.

pertama tamanya gue jelasin dulu kenapa mainan harus diberesin.
niatnya sih membangun mind set ya, jadi anak tu mengerjakan sesuatu karna dia tau alasannya,
ngga asal kerjain aja... i hope this work well in their future.

but there were days ketika udah ngga bisa dibilangin baik baik, yeahhh, they're kids, little human,
and i'm only human hahaha... sabar nya ada batasnyaaa. when that happen, i do the threat.

i said:
ok, kalo ngga diberesin, berarti kamu ngga sayang sama mainannya, mama kasih orang lain aja,
banyak sekali anak anak yang ngga punya mainan, mereka pasti seneng dapet mainan kamu.

USUALLY... the first one doesn't work. mereka tetep aja ninggalin arena gitu aja, sounds familiar?
yeppp, karna mereka pikir "ah biarin aja, yang penting skarang aku mau nonton TV"

oh no no no, kalo gue, cukup 3 kali bilang, kalo ngga mau clean up juga, this is what i do.

i grab all their toys, randomly aja, semuat nya tangan gue, dan terutama favorite toys yaaa...
i grab them, gue pake sendal, gue keluar arena main, menuju garasi,

sambil bilang
"ok, mainan ini ngga kamu beresin, tandanya kamu ngga mau ngurusin kepunyaanmu,
semuanya mama kasih ke orang lain aja yang mau ngurusin"

on my first attemp, with Ar, kaga ngaruh hahaha. because he thought it wasn't for real.
but with Kin, oh it was a straight success hahaha, karna dia udah liat sebab-akibatnya,
it's like "oh no, i'm not gonna let mama takes all my toys. no way."

that time with Ar, i hid his big box of lego then, titip sama orang rumah, ini kotak lego tutupin aja sama tumpukan lap, umpetin. and i didn't say anything else to him.
lhaaa, anaknya lagi asik nonton tivi tuhhh *hih*

one day, he was frantically looking for the box, panik, bingung juga...
he asked "lego aku mana?"

OUYEAAA, gue tinggal bilang "mama kasih ke orang lain, inget ngga kemaren?",
terus gue tinggalin dia, he panicked, his face were like "seriously??? my toys are now gone?"

Ar ngejar gue, asking "terus nnti Ar mainnya gimana?"
i said "ya ngga tau, abis kemaren kan ngga mau diberesin, ngga mau dengerin mama, yaudah."
he begged for mercy, almost cried.

TADAAA... baru deh dia nyaho, that mommy MEANS what she said.

then i cool things off.
abis itu langsung gue ajak ngobrol panjang lebar, that i need him to help us taking care of the house,
panjang sampe masalah: itu kalo mainan berantakan, nanti malem ada tikus lewat, dia tidur disitu,
gimana?
and he understood, cleaning up the toys is imporant. doing what mama's asking me to do is important.

but i'm not lie to you, it was a long long long way, gue ngomong banyak bangettt, capekkk,
spending like almost an hour, to talk to him, about this thing.
exhausting, of course. apalagi sayakan sambi nyambi sama kerjaan kantor ya,
it was pretty time consuming. tapi yaudah lah...
masih bagus gue ngantor di depan rumah, bisa monitor terus keadaan anak anak.

after that moment, cleaning up time never been easier. karna semuanya udah tau mommy means it.
we better do what she asked us to do.
yaeyalahhh, kalo ngga gitu, mainannya dibuang sama mamah.

this also answer, why some kids are threat-proof, ngga mempannn sama ancaman. sounds familiar?
i dont know ya, but maybe because mommy never means what she said sih...
mommy just throw the treat, but never actually do it, makanya anak cuma "alah apaan sih mama."

buat gue, it's OK to introduce them to shock therapy, it's OK, it's really OK,
to bruise their ego, to watch them panic, shattered and confused, or even mad.
but don't lose your control, mommy is allowed to be mad, but mommy has to be mad in elegant way.
dan berhubung mami bukan cate blanchett yang bisa judes sambil cantik,

gini caranya:
inhale-exhale, tenangkan diri anda buk ibuk, jangan termakan esmosi.

find the main point you want to convey, one message at a time, please,
even if their in-obedient are multi cases, gue tetep convey 1 message at a time.
simply karna otak anak anak belum bisa multitask, mendingan 1 message tapi sampe & diinget,
daripada multi message tapi cuma numpang liwattt.

find the entrance to talk about the matter, and the after effect you desire.
on boys, use short-straight to the point words, make sure they get what you mean quickly.
on girls, same method, PLUS ONE:
dont be fooled by her tears hahaha *Kin banget, suka nangis pura pura*

and always, always and always end the mad session with cooling session and a hug,
tell them you're super proud of them, raise their confident by listing down the good things they did,
tell them it will be a lot better if they would add 'cleaning up toys' to the list.
and the long hug and kiss.

i never actually scream at my child, when i'm mad, i say things loud and clear, deep sharp tone,
in the same level as their eyes.

i pass them some values, and hopefully i teach them some thing good.
bahwa dalam hidup ini, lo gak bisa seenak enak jidat lo aja, there are rules, there are consequences,
you wanna play? ok go ahead, they're yours.
you wanna do something else? ok go ahead, but clean up that first thing first, please.

begitulah,  berhubung simbak lagi pada pulkam, ya bukkk.
i hope this note brings some elegant light


Thursday, July 9, 2015

Introducing the kids to Puasa Ramadhan

menjelang akhir ramadhan ni pemirsaaah, Subhanallah ko gak kerasa amattt,
tau tau THR udah cair, terus udah mau liburan lebaran.
tapi haus sama nahan emosi nya masih suka kerasa sih, kerasa susah hahaha.

how are the kids doing, Puasanya?
happy to say, they're excited about it. mungkin karna boleh makan apa aja kalo malem,
termasuk beberapa jelly, es krim, cereal, any beverages, tersyerahhh dehhh yaaa...
alhamdulilah Ar masih konsisten, doing full day Puasa, while Kin is doing half day,
alhamdulilah belom putus dari hari pertama. YIAYYY! *mamarabid

So here are some worthy note on how to introduce Puasa Ramadhan to my kids.

satu: brace yourselves, mothers! 
kemaren ada buka puasa keluarga besar gitu, terus sempet lah ngobrol ngobrol,
sama seorang nanny nya sepupu gue sih... doi kaget banget pas tau Ar & Kin puasa.
"Ya ampun, kasian buuu..."

oh well... iyasi emang kasian kalo dipikir pikir, nahan laper, dari jam 4.30 subuh sampe jam 6 sore.
she's only 4 yo, masih bayikkk practically,
and he's barely 6, masih 5++ itungannya. dan belom wajib puasa juga sih sebenernya.


But i want them to start early on Puasa,
And so i had to brace myself.

ini diyaaa... terpentinggg.
karna lazimnya ibuk ibuk kan suka ngga tega kannn kalo anaknya kelaperannn,
padahal sebenernya anaknya sih gak kenapa napa, tapi ibuknya aja ngga tega hahaha.
i've been there bener, years ago hahaha.

terus bu mimut, kasian gak sih liat anaknya nahan laper gitu?
ya eyalahhh sempet, terutama waktu awal awal puasa, like 3 earliest days of Puasa,
Ar jadinya rada drama, karna pasti cukup kaget yaaa, puasa full. lama amattt ini bedugggnyaaa!
gue gak tega banget liat Ar jam 4 sore, perut udah cekung, terus lemesss, duduk aja nonton tv,
terus pegangin perut nya huhuhu. anak akuuu, kesian bangettt... dan gue gatau, ini beneran lemes,
atau drama ajasih, karna belum terbiasa puasa full... jadi gue juga bingung, aku kudu piye situation.

dia minta minum. dibujukin udah ngga mempan, dipeluk gakmau, malah goler goler mau rewel gitu,
oh no...
aku kudu piye bangettt, uhukkk, aku mixed feeling, antara kesian obviously,
tapi musti tega tegain, karna this is a part of our learning. menjalankan perintah agama.

lebih mix lagi, karna misi besarnya adalah i want him to experience that Ramadhan time is great time,
gue pingin dia puasa tanpa terpaksa. kalo dia ngga hepi gini, gue agak khawatir juga,
kedepanya gimana kalo dia tidak mengasosiasikan puasa time IS happy time.

ahirnya gue kasih deh, minum... he drank. and he regretted it hahaha.
karna pas buka jam 6, jadi ngga seru lagi. udah ilang cyinnn hausnyaaa, udah gak haus lagi,
so i think it works for now. he never asked for any meal/drink before maghrib,
kalopun minta, he knows exactly, that he's going to consume it later after maghrib.

dua: those little human will adapt, they will be fine
dan bener aja, lama lama he adapts, lama lama gue liat dia makin bugar, dan malah makin aktif,
emang berat badan jadi agak turun, tapi masih bisa diakalin sama asupan nutrisi yang lebih banyak,
dan lebih banyak ngemil lagi pas malem malem.

sepanjang hari, walopun libur gini, gue perhatiin, dia makin terbiasa beraktifitas sambil puasa,
tetep hepi hepi, main sepeda nya makin jago, bikin rumah rumahan tenda, mainan lego,
terus masih lari larian juga keliling kebon jam 3 sore, so i thought, he must be feeling fine.
karna pola makan nya kan juga mulai terbentuk, sahur-buka puasa-late night meal.

jadi gue makin yakin juga, bahwa berpuasa satu hari penuh is not hurting him. at all.
malah dia hepi, karna ada legalisasi makan makanan apapun yang dia pingin setelah buka.

tiga: what's your main reason
the main reason to ask Ar puasa at this age was actually, bukan karna aku ambisiyus hahaha.
gue & erw sepakat, untuk perkenalkan Rukun Islam sedini mungkin sama anak anak.
the earlier, the better, has always been our motto.
the younger the kids recognize any good habit - and actually living it, 
the easier it will be for us to maintain it,
karna ground nya udah solid terbangun dari awal.
we realise this is not something we can build overnight, that's why we decided to start early.

gue sendiri mulai puasa full di umur 6 tahun, and i actually liked it a lot.
karnaaa, pada dasarnya aku anak GTM, ngga suka makan. meal time is excruciating for me,
makanya seneng banget pas puasa, kaga disuruh makan cing!!! hahaha.
but my kids are different, they're regular eater, ngga picky & jarang banget GTM.

tahun lalu, pas Ar mulai puasa setengah hari, kita sempet ceritain, kenapa harus puasa,
kita ceritain dari hal yang logis, Puasa is like detox to your body, it's like cleaning up your system,
badan itu sama kaya mesin. perlu di servis, istirahat, supaya tetep bagus dan ngga gampang rusak.
dari situ baru kita ceritain, bahwa kita harus selalu bersyukur, karna alhamdulilah punya rejeki,
bisa makan 3 kali sehari, bisa punya ini itu, bisa hidup enak. ada loh orang yang ngga gitu.

i do not recall any rejection from the kids, padahal tadinya gue udah siap kalo Ar nanya aneh aneh,
but he didn't.
setelah ceritain gitu, dia voluntarily puasa aja gitu setengah hari, and this year, puasa the whole day.

empat: leading by example
this always works best for my kids, sepertinya karna dia liat kita serumah puasa,
dia pun jadi excited & actually enjoys the festivity,
to me personally, i'm having so much fun watching 2 kids chewing with both eyes half open,
hahaha, uber cuteness! *ciyum ciyummmm*

while on Kince, easier, karna dia liat Ar is fasting... otomatis dia tau, dia juga harus puasa,
the perks of parenting the second-born hahaha, udah ada cetakan contohnyaaa, tinggal replicate ajah.
dan dia juga buka puasa pas zuhur, so no problem arise, cuma paling dia suka iseng aja
"boleh makan es krim ngga?" jam 8 pagi hahaha, teteppp usaha hahaha.

lima: puasa time IS puasa time
lastly, we intentionally do not open any option towards fasting on Ramadhan,
hahaha... aku ibu kezammm!
jadi gini... bulan puasa, ya harus puasa. doing puasa, is not an option for them,
gue gak pernah bilang "Mas Ar, mau puasa ngga? puasa ya, setengah hari aja dulu"
no.
i said " Mas Ar, puasa ya. dan karna mas udah mau 6 tahun, Mas puasa penuh kaya mama papa."

i don't know if any of my kids realise that there is option, bahwa lo tu sebenernya bisa ngga puasa,
hahaha... iyadoong... sebenernya bisa aja dia menolak puasa kan?
dan gue bisa aja memberikan option untuk ngga puasa dong, kan kesiannn, gak tega, balik ke poin 1.

but it didn't happen (YET).
maybe 10 years later kali, kalo udah SMP, terus tiba tiba ada temennya ngajakin ke KFC jam 1 siang,
terus mau bayarin makan, supaya nemenin dia batal puasa.
curhat much bu mimut??? iyaaahhh, pengalaman pribadi benerrr.

10 years from now, beda cerita, beda parenting style dan beda solusi juga pastinya yahhh,
but for now, aku cukup hepi karna anak anak ngga susah disuruh puasa, and actually enjoying it.
Ramadhan Penuh Berkah IS REALLY Ramadhan Penuh Berkah.