Introducing how to be mad elegantly
hahaha, mumpung mau liburan cyin, PAS NANNYLESS KANNN? hahaha,
event lebaran ini emang selalu membuat jidat berkerut yes buk ibuk?
but worry not, i've come to an equation,
that the older are the kids, the more time mommy has to fix her make up on lebaran day,
so those with babies and toddlers, heads up high woman!!!
you're going to nail this (year's bad time), and you'll survive the storm on upcoming years.
now, this post works best on children age 3 yo and above, pokonya pas mau babay babyhood deh
knapa?
simply karena mereka udah bisa diajak ngobrol, bisa diskusi, bisa bantu cari solusi masalah.
terutama masalah yang menyebabkan mama emosiii, mama kepingin marahhh, sabarnya habisss!
ok, firstly, a little bit of milestone of Ar is 6-- and Kin is 4+.
Ar is 6-- yo hahaha, i'm sorry i'm too lazy to put up 6 yo, xx mo, xx day, xx hr, xx min, xx sec,
he's turning 6 next month uhuwww!
ibuknya emotional hahaha, and when i say emotional, i mean it, emosional parahhh,
soalnya umur 6 tu kan gerbang babay good bye nya little kid to big kid menurut gue.
can't believe how fast he's grown bangettt.
meanwhile Kin is 4+ yo, keliatan banget sih emang anak perempuan mateng nya lebih cepet ya,
she's behaving better, dibanding 4 yo Ar hahaha, more mature, more organized,
anaknya udah kodrati perempuan bangettt, senengnya beberes, kalo dimintain tolong entengan,
alhamdulilah kinasihnya minta ampunnn *pasti turun dari sayah*
emotionally udah lebih bisa diatur, making my life easier,
waktu Ar 4 yo, masih kaya anak gorila sih hahaha, maunya lari lari terus, motorik kasar bangettt.
makin dua duanya gede, makin mereka seneng main berdua sih, both love to play pretend,
makanyakadang kadang seringkali area main nya tu suka meluas, diluar area main mereka,
masalahnya, kadang kadang bantal guling selimut gue suka terhampar gitu di lantai,
padahal sebelumnya abis pada makan biskuit disitu. hadehhh, ya kotor dong nak *hih*
pas gue tanya, knapa ini banyak mainan di tempat-tempat yang bukan tempat bermain...
mereka jawab : itu ceritanya kantor, disini rumahnya. kan jauh, terus suka kena macet,
ini disini jalan tol nya, harus lewat sini biar gak macet.
ouuu... alrite.
*akupun tutup mata sama keberantakan yang ada**sigh*
and repeat this mantra
*i'm so zen**i'm so zen**i'm so zen**zen**zen**zen*
hahaha, but it's ok really, karna gue seneng mereka bisa kembangin imajinasi seluas luasnya,
just be a child, a happy child. bisa main apa aja, bisa jadi apa aja. that's what i have in mind.
dan mostly, it's ok karna mereka happily mau beresin semuanya lagi hahaha,
jadi kalo udah selesai play pretend dan mau pindah main sepeda,
mereka akan beberes sendiri well, ngga sendiri banget, dibantu mbak nya.
and how did we do that?
well, my method, this maybe wrong, but i do what every mother probably has done, by threat.
not by throwing direct threat ketika mereka ngga mau clean up sih, that won't be effective.
pertama tamanya gue jelasin dulu kenapa mainan harus diberesin.
niatnya sih membangun mind set ya, jadi anak tu mengerjakan sesuatu karna dia tau alasannya,
ngga asal kerjain aja... i hope this work well in their future.
but there were days ketika udah ngga bisa dibilangin baik baik, yeahhh, they're kids, little human,
and i'm only human hahaha... sabar nya ada batasnyaaa. when that happen, i do the threat.
i said:
ok, kalo ngga diberesin, berarti kamu ngga sayang sama mainannya, mama kasih orang lain aja,
banyak sekali anak anak yang ngga punya mainan, mereka pasti seneng dapet mainan kamu.
USUALLY... the first one doesn't work. mereka tetep aja ninggalin arena gitu aja, sounds familiar?
yeppp, karna mereka pikir "ah biarin aja, yang penting skarang aku mau nonton TV"
oh no no no, kalo gue, cukup 3 kali bilang, kalo ngga mau clean up juga, this is what i do.
i grab all their toys, randomly aja, semuat nya tangan gue, dan terutama favorite toys yaaa...
i grab them, gue pake sendal, gue keluar arena main, menuju garasi,
sambil bilang
"ok, mainan ini ngga kamu beresin, tandanya kamu ngga mau ngurusin kepunyaanmu,
semuanya mama kasih ke orang lain aja yang mau ngurusin"
on my first attemp, with Ar, kaga ngaruh hahaha. because he thought it wasn't for real.
but with Kin, oh it was a straight success hahaha, karna dia udah liat sebab-akibatnya,
it's like "oh no, i'm not gonna let mama takes all my toys. no way."
that time with Ar, i hid his big box of lego then, titip sama orang rumah, ini kotak lego tutupin aja sama tumpukan lap, umpetin. and i didn't say anything else to him.
lhaaa, anaknya lagi asik nonton tivi tuhhh *hih*
one day, he was frantically looking for the box, panik, bingung juga...
he asked "lego aku mana?"
OUYEAAA, gue tinggal bilang "mama kasih ke orang lain, inget ngga kemaren?",
terus gue tinggalin dia, he panicked, his face were like "seriously??? my toys are now gone?"
Ar ngejar gue, asking "terus nnti Ar mainnya gimana?"
i said "ya ngga tau, abis kemaren kan ngga mau diberesin, ngga mau dengerin mama, yaudah."
he begged for mercy, almost cried.
TADAAA... baru deh dia nyaho, that mommy MEANS what she said.
then i cool things off.
abis itu langsung gue ajak ngobrol panjang lebar, that i need him to help us taking care of the house,
panjang sampe masalah: itu kalo mainan berantakan, nanti malem ada tikus lewat, dia tidur disitu,
gimana?
and he understood, cleaning up the toys is imporant. doing what mama's asking me to do is important.
but i'm not lie to you, it was a long long long way, gue ngomong banyak bangettt, capekkk,
spending like almost an hour, to talk to him, about this thing.
exhausting, of course. apalagi sayakan sambi nyambi sama kerjaan kantor ya,
it was pretty time consuming. tapi yaudah lah...
masih bagus gue ngantor di depan rumah, bisa monitor terus keadaan anak anak.
after that moment, cleaning up time never been easier. karna semuanya udah tau mommy means it.
we better do what she asked us to do.
yaeyalahhh, kalo ngga gitu, mainannya dibuang sama mamah.
this also answer, why some kids are threat-proof, ngga mempannn sama ancaman. sounds familiar?
i dont know ya, but maybe because mommy never means what she said sih...
mommy just throw the treat, but never actually do it, makanya anak cuma "alah apaan sih mama."
buat gue, it's OK to introduce them to shock therapy, it's OK, it's really OK,
to bruise their ego, to watch them panic, shattered and confused, or even mad.
but don't lose your control, mommy is allowed to be mad, but mommy has to be mad in elegant way.
dan berhubung mami bukan cate blanchett yang bisa judes sambil cantik,
gini caranya:
inhale-exhale, tenangkan diri anda buk ibuk, jangan termakan esmosi.
find the main point you want to convey, one message at a time, please,
even if their in-obedient are multi cases, gue tetep convey 1 message at a time.
simply karna otak anak anak belum bisa multitask, mendingan 1 message tapi sampe & diinget,
daripada multi message tapi cuma numpang liwattt.
find the entrance to talk about the matter, and the after effect you desire.
on boys, use short-straight to the point words, make sure they get what you mean quickly.
on girls, same method, PLUS ONE:
dont be fooled by her tears hahaha *Kin banget, suka nangis pura pura*
and always, always and always end the mad session with cooling session and a hug,
tell them you're super proud of them, raise their confident by listing down the good things they did,
tell them it will be a lot better if they would add 'cleaning up toys' to the list.
and the long hug and kiss.
i never actually scream at my child, when i'm mad, i say things loud and clear, deep sharp tone,
in the same level as their eyes.
i pass them some values, and hopefully i teach them some thing good.
bahwa dalam hidup ini, lo gak bisa seenak enak jidat lo aja, there are rules, there are consequences,
you wanna play? ok go ahead, they're yours.
you wanna do something else? ok go ahead, but clean up that first thing first, please.
event lebaran ini emang selalu membuat jidat berkerut yes buk ibuk?
but worry not, i've come to an equation,
that the older are the kids, the more time mommy has to fix her make up on lebaran day,
so those with babies and toddlers, heads up high woman!!!
you're going to nail this (year's bad time), and you'll survive the storm on upcoming years.
now, this post works best on children age 3 yo and above, pokonya pas mau babay babyhood deh
knapa?
simply karena mereka udah bisa diajak ngobrol, bisa diskusi, bisa bantu cari solusi masalah.
terutama masalah yang menyebabkan mama emosiii, mama kepingin marahhh, sabarnya habisss!
ok, firstly, a little bit of milestone of Ar is 6-- and Kin is 4+.
Ar is 6-- yo hahaha, i'm sorry i'm too lazy to put up 6 yo, xx mo, xx day, xx hr, xx min, xx sec,
he's turning 6 next month uhuwww!
ibuknya emotional hahaha, and when i say emotional, i mean it, emosional parahhh,
soalnya umur 6 tu kan gerbang babay good bye nya little kid to big kid menurut gue.
can't believe how fast he's grown bangettt.
meanwhile Kin is 4+ yo, keliatan banget sih emang anak perempuan mateng nya lebih cepet ya,
she's behaving better, dibanding 4 yo Ar hahaha, more mature, more organized,
anaknya udah kodrati perempuan bangettt, senengnya beberes, kalo dimintain tolong entengan,
alhamdulilah kinasihnya minta ampunnn *pasti turun dari sayah*
emotionally udah lebih bisa diatur, making my life easier,
waktu Ar 4 yo, masih kaya anak gorila sih hahaha, maunya lari lari terus, motorik kasar bangettt.
makin dua duanya gede, makin mereka seneng main berdua sih, both love to play pretend,
makanya
masalahnya, kadang kadang bantal guling selimut gue suka terhampar gitu di lantai,
padahal sebelumnya abis pada makan biskuit disitu. hadehhh, ya kotor dong nak *hih*
pas gue tanya, knapa ini banyak mainan di tempat-tempat yang bukan tempat bermain...
mereka jawab : itu ceritanya kantor, disini rumahnya. kan jauh, terus suka kena macet,
ini disini jalan tol nya, harus lewat sini biar gak macet.
ouuu... alrite.
*akupun tutup mata sama keberantakan yang ada**sigh*
and repeat this mantra
*i'm so zen**i'm so zen**i'm so zen**zen**zen**zen*
hahaha, but it's ok really, karna gue seneng mereka bisa kembangin imajinasi seluas luasnya,
just be a child, a happy child. bisa main apa aja, bisa jadi apa aja. that's what i have in mind.
dan mostly, it's ok karna mereka happily mau beresin semuanya lagi hahaha,
jadi kalo udah selesai play pretend dan mau pindah main sepeda,
mereka akan beberes sendiri well, ngga sendiri banget, dibantu mbak nya.
and how did we do that?
well, my method, this maybe wrong, but i do what every mother probably has done, by threat.
not by throwing direct threat ketika mereka ngga mau clean up sih, that won't be effective.
pertama tamanya gue jelasin dulu kenapa mainan harus diberesin.
niatnya sih membangun mind set ya, jadi anak tu mengerjakan sesuatu karna dia tau alasannya,
ngga asal kerjain aja... i hope this work well in their future.
but there were days ketika udah ngga bisa dibilangin baik baik, yeahhh, they're kids, little human,
and i'm only human hahaha... sabar nya ada batasnyaaa. when that happen, i do the threat.
i said:
ok, kalo ngga diberesin, berarti kamu ngga sayang sama mainannya, mama kasih orang lain aja,
banyak sekali anak anak yang ngga punya mainan, mereka pasti seneng dapet mainan kamu.
USUALLY... the first one doesn't work. mereka tetep aja ninggalin arena gitu aja, sounds familiar?
yeppp, karna mereka pikir "ah biarin aja, yang penting skarang aku mau nonton TV"
oh no no no, kalo gue, cukup 3 kali bilang, kalo ngga mau clean up juga, this is what i do.
i grab all their toys, randomly aja, semuat nya tangan gue, dan terutama favorite toys yaaa...
i grab them, gue pake sendal, gue keluar arena main, menuju garasi,
sambil bilang
"ok, mainan ini ngga kamu beresin, tandanya kamu ngga mau ngurusin kepunyaanmu,
semuanya mama kasih ke orang lain aja yang mau ngurusin"
on my first attemp, with Ar, kaga ngaruh hahaha. because he thought it wasn't for real.
but with Kin, oh it was a straight success hahaha, karna dia udah liat sebab-akibatnya,
it's like "oh no, i'm not gonna let mama takes all my toys. no way."
that time with Ar, i hid his big box of lego then, titip sama orang rumah, ini kotak lego tutupin aja sama tumpukan lap, umpetin. and i didn't say anything else to him.
lhaaa, anaknya lagi asik nonton tivi tuhhh *hih*
one day, he was frantically looking for the box, panik, bingung juga...
he asked "lego aku mana?"
OUYEAAA, gue tinggal bilang "mama kasih ke orang lain, inget ngga kemaren?",
terus gue tinggalin dia, he panicked, his face were like "seriously??? my toys are now gone?"
Ar ngejar gue, asking "terus nnti Ar mainnya gimana?"
i said "ya ngga tau, abis kemaren kan ngga mau diberesin, ngga mau dengerin mama, yaudah."
he begged for mercy, almost cried.
TADAAA... baru deh dia nyaho, that mommy MEANS what she said.
abis itu langsung gue ajak ngobrol panjang lebar, that i need him to help us taking care of the house,
panjang sampe masalah: itu kalo mainan berantakan, nanti malem ada tikus lewat, dia tidur disitu,
gimana?
and he understood, cleaning up the toys is imporant. doing what mama's asking me to do is important.
but i'm not lie to you, it was a long long long way, gue ngomong banyak bangettt, capekkk,
spending like almost an hour, to talk to him, about this thing.
exhausting, of course. apalagi sayakan sambi nyambi sama kerjaan kantor ya,
it was pretty time consuming. tapi yaudah lah...
masih bagus gue ngantor di depan rumah, bisa monitor terus keadaan anak anak.
after that moment, cleaning up time never been easier. karna semuanya udah tau mommy means it.
we better do what she asked us to do.
yaeyalahhh, kalo ngga gitu, mainannya dibuang sama mamah.
this also answer, why some kids are threat-proof, ngga mempannn sama ancaman. sounds familiar?
i dont know ya, but maybe because mommy never means what she said sih...
mommy just throw the treat, but never actually do it, makanya anak cuma "alah apaan sih mama."
buat gue, it's OK to introduce them to shock therapy, it's OK, it's really OK,
to bruise their ego, to watch them panic, shattered and confused, or even mad.
but don't lose your control, mommy is allowed to be mad, but mommy has to be mad in elegant way.
dan berhubung mami bukan cate blanchett yang bisa judes sambil cantik,
gini caranya:
inhale-exhale, tenangkan diri anda buk ibuk, jangan termakan esmosi.
find the main point you want to convey, one message at a time, please,
even if their in-obedient are multi cases, gue tetep convey 1 message at a time.
simply karna otak anak anak belum bisa multitask, mendingan 1 message tapi sampe & diinget,
daripada multi message tapi cuma numpang liwattt.
find the entrance to talk about the matter, and the after effect you desire.
on boys, use short-straight to the point words, make sure they get what you mean quickly.
on girls, same method, PLUS ONE:
dont be fooled by her tears hahaha *Kin banget, suka nangis pura pura*
and always, always and always end the mad session with cooling session and a hug,
tell them you're super proud of them, raise their confident by listing down the good things they did,
tell them it will be a lot better if they would add 'cleaning up toys' to the list.
and the long hug and kiss.
i never actually scream at my child, when i'm mad, i say things loud and clear, deep sharp tone,
in the same level as their eyes.
i pass them some values, and hopefully i teach them some thing good.
bahwa dalam hidup ini, lo gak bisa seenak enak jidat lo aja, there are rules, there are consequences,
you wanna play? ok go ahead, they're yours.
you wanna do something else? ok go ahead, but clean up that first thing first, please.
begitulah, berhubung simbak lagi pada pulkam, ya bukkk.
i hope this note brings some elegant light
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