win some, loose some

kamis tengah malam jadi hari sendu buat gue,
tapi kali ini sendu nya bukan seneng duit.
kalo itu tiap hari, nggak usah ditanya lagi.
my sister is leaving jekardah for good,
nyusul suaminya di negeri padang pasir.

dari awal nikah, si nona emang udah gonjang ganjing galau.
antara cari kerja dulu atau langsung ikut mister suami.
antara bertahan nungguin promosi atau berangkat kesana bangun keluarga.
ih dilematis sangattt...

she looses some. the newlywed time.
ya abesss, ngga nyampe sebulan abis nikah langsung ditinggal cyin.
ketemu lagi beberapa bulan kemudian, pun cuma bareng bareng 2 minggu,
and he has to go back to the land of camel humps.
belum sempet ngerasain adaptasi drastis di awal hidup bersama.
ngga ngerasain rebutan bantal, rebutan tidur di sisi kasur yang mana,
rebutan rebutan lucu yang berakhir dengan senyum lebar terus peluk pelukan.
so happy that he doesn't have to go anywhere after we went out on a date
those sweet little moments we had on the early days of marriage.

but she wins some.
bayangin dong, early 20s. status udah jelas istri orang.
kerjaan dan karir cemerlang, temen temen masih pada asik diajak kongkow.
gile... living settled, living a dream. well, dari mata gue at least.
karena waktu seumur dia, idup gue gak jelas juntrungannya.
terutama ehm dalam departemen percintaan,
yang waktu itu mau nggak mau jadi beban banget.

for me, life is easier.
abis nikah yaudah di jekardah ajah krutelan sama suami & anak.
i loose some. my dream.
gue yang dari SMP udah punya cita cita mau SMA dan kuliah diluar jakarta,
sampe S2 dan kerja diluar negeri juga.
none of them happened. dilarang keras sama si mamah.
karena belio takut gue mabur dikawinin bule ohokkk...
PUN setelah nikah dengan mister erw, gue sempet ngarep lagi mimpi ini terkabul.
guess what, dia nggak mau loh migrasi keluar indonesia raya...
hahahaha ya naseppp.

so i let go my ultimate dreams years ago.
ketika sadar bahwa ngga ada gunanya lagi gue sok sok masih kepingin hal hal itu,
tapi ngga sadar atas apa yang sudah ada ditangan gue.
i learnt to be thankful, and make the best out of what i have.
pelan pelan gue kubur mimpi itu.

i still win some. in this case, kemudahan hidup ditengah support system.
bahwa kemudian gue bisa medley bak lagu lagu dewi yull.
dengan tetep bekerja besarin usaha gue, adakan quality times untuk anak anak,
bahkan sampe sekolah lagi.

so at the end, there's winning and there's losing.
unreachable dreams are buried, but new ones are rising.
tapi iri gaksih,
knowing your ultimate dream is achieved by a particular someone that's so dear to you?
anehnya engga.
gue anggep mimpi itu seperti kepinginan gue sama kipas bulu.
i never got it. yaudah, keep calm and move on. that's it.

back on what happened on thursday evening,
di perjalanan ke airport gue udah niat nggak mau nangis.
i don't wanna make this harder for her, and our parents.
and as predicted, FAILED.
si denok peluk mami dulu, terus papi. posisi membelakangi gue.
gue udah siap ngga nangis nih... mau peluk aja terus ngeledekin dia.
EHHH pas dia balik badan, mukanya udah basar, airmata berderai derai.
ahirnya gue nangis berderai derai jugak hahahaha...
we hugged, and i told her over and over again "you'll be good."
sedihnya sih lebih ke "she probably won't live nearby ever again."
selebihnya, i'm happy for her and wishes a very best of luck on the new life.
pokoknya kalo kata kartu ucapan, teriring doa restuku untuk adinda semata wayang.

untungnya,
si erw yang begitu lempeng mempermudah gue nyetopin srosot moment ini.
jadi pas jalan ke parkiran, gue dengan mata masih sembab sembab bilang,
"aku sedih deh." terus kita gandengan tangan.
gue ngulang "aku sedih deh beb."
terus diulang dua kali lagi "aku beneran sedih deh. gimana dong?"

doi cuma bilang,
"ya gimana atuh... mimut mau nyusul?"

bahhh... sungguh tidak berperi kesedihan.
mbok istrinya tu dihibur dulu...
dibeliin kopi sachet dulu kek di parkiran soetta?!
bahhh... this is the furthest we've been apart ye know.
back then when she was living in bandung,
i know exactly she'll be back to the capital city after graduation,
i easily took the 9pm travel after work, arrived at 12ish,
we would be heading to clubs, having a night out.
lha sekarang, pan kagak bisa lagiiih...

makanya aku sempet kekiii sama si erw.
tapi abis itu gue langsung mikir, yaiya sih... bener juga.
nyusul juga gak mungkin, life must go on though.
gakusah sedih sedih amat kaliye.
toh kita setuju, istri itu tempatnya paling bener ya disisi suaminya.

and no worries,
karena ternyata ngga sampe 24 jam setelah berpisah, kita udah webcam-an begok.
guess we'll meet in the next 6 months.
and as soon as me and the kids are ready to travel an 8 hours flight,
we shall visit the tallest building on earth.
be good nenox, you'll be missed.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A decade from today

The hardest days of 2012

The bitter-sweet finish line