Introducing how to forgive yourself

susah gak maafin diri sendiri?
gue personally, sih kesulitan. ketika gue tau gue berbuat sesuatu yang salah,
it lingers for days in my chest and in my head, kepikiran terus, ujungnya setres...
iyahhh, kebanyakan mikir sih anaknya. hiks.
part of the thinking process comes from my early childhood, dimana menurut gue sendiri,
gue jarang salah. heuuu, PD amattt hahaha...
beneran, as a child, gue merasa idup gue lumayan berada di jalur busway yang steril,
lancar jaya. i don't remember anything that i did on my earliest years, that later on gue sesalin.
baru pas mulai mulai remaja aja, gue ngalamin 'penyesalan penyesalan hidup'. JIYEHHH.

gue rasa, karna ngga ada yang pernah bilang ke gue bahwa:
"hey, it's ok to make mistake. come on, learn the lesson and get yourself together!"
mind set jadinya minim toleransi sama kesalahan even yang berasal dari gue sendiri.
now on raising children, namanya juga edisi perbaikan keturunan ya,
gue pingin anak anak gue lebih baik dong ya... so i try a little something different to arka.

once upon a sunny day, arka went home from school, i heard his cheery voice next door.
ngga lama kemudian, dia nangis nangiiis kejer banget, as if he was in pain.
gue langsung samperin, tanya ada apa.
ternyata gini, temennya ada yang ulangtahun & bagi bagi kue bolu ber icing,
arka was so excited, he brought the cake to his spot, he was bunny skipping,
when he tripped. and the cake? fell down on the floor.
nah tempat dia main itu bentuknya kaya rumah panggung, jadi kalo jatoh ke bawah,
kenanya tanah. udah pasti kotor & ngga bisa dimakan deh kuenya.

he was furious!!! i know he was mad at himself, makanya dia nangis kenceng banget,
i tried to calm him down, telling him it's ok... but he was extremely angry he didn't listen,
bahkan dia ngga mau dipegang, malahan ambil kuenya & dimasukin mulut.
hggghhh... one little angry dinosaur...
sampe ahirnya gue angkut aja ke kebon, gue bediriin dia disitu...
gue suruh diem dulu nangisnya, so we can talk. eh dia tambah nangis, katanya:
"aka mau pipiiis..." sambil nangis nangis. hadehhh, yaudah iklan dulu deh ke toilet.

abis itu nangisnya agak berenti, gue ajak duduk. gue minta dia berenti nangis,
this time he listened. gue minta dia duduk sebelah gue, lama lama gue peluk.
he was finally calm, terus dia meringkuk di pelukan gue, sambil kita ngobrol ngobrol,
setelah jadi pemadam kemarahan, gue ganti tokoh jadi mami mesra cayang cayangan...
i believe he needs to soothe his little mind, he needs to hear something comforting.
step nya kira kira gini:

i made a confirmation on the passing event,
gue tanya kronologisnya, while trying to distract him from the fiery anger.
gue tanya itu kue dari siapa, rasanya apa kuenya, did he like it?
gimana ceritanya kuenya bisa jatoh, jatohnya kemana?
sampe gue bilangin, kuenya udah gak bisa dimakan, karna udah jatuh ke tanah,
udah kena kuman... kalo tetep dimakan perut arka bisa sakit, blablablabla...

i made sure he gets the consequences on the event.
by this stage, dia jadi tau, there are consequences towards any actions.
hanjirrr bahasanyahhh, bijaksini abeiiis, hebring pisuuun mimut teh! ngahahaha.
sebab-akibat dari bunny hopping with a cake in his hands, adalah kuenya jatuh.

you fallen cake was the consequences of your own action.
gue tanya gimana perasaannya, he sad he was sad, arka kesal.
oh my dear, aku yo dobel tho sedihnya... biasa deh, ibuknya suka merasa lebai...

i encouraged him to fix himself,
simply by saying: oh by the way ya, nak... it's ok, udah kejadian, yaudah.
you shouldn't hate yourself, or be extremely angry tho, it's ok to tripped and destroy a cake,
people tripped on everything every time, by this time, i'm sure someone else's tripped too.
but now you know, next time, you gotta be more careful, son.
you gotta put the cake on a safe place before you bunnyhop.

i offered him the antidote, sebagai penawar rasa pahit, kecewa, sedih & sakit hatinya,
i offered him: now what are you gonna do now?
dia bilang: aka pingin kue lagi, nanti telfon mamahnya A ya, minta kue lagi.
sambil ngomong matanya masih berkaca kaca, karna dia pingin makan kue.

oh nelangsanya anakku lanang... gue beliin kue kuean, like a couple of days later.
instead of langsung beliin dia kue baru, gue mencoba berlaku sadis konsisten,
karna anak anak gue tidak terbiasa minta sesuatu & tiba tiba langsung dikabulkan,
i know, a lot of mothers might think: yaolooo, cake 20 ribuan doang, beliin aja ngapah?!
but no.
pola "minta sesuatu-dan harus nunggu" udah gue bangun dari mereka kecil,
delayed gratification namanyah.
i watched tom hiddleston & cookie monster 1000 times on youtube, introducing this phrase.

being disappointed & then have to wait for the cake to come true is part of the second training,
after he was being introduced to the word: dissapointment
but that's life... kadang kadang shit happens, and we have to deal with it and walk on.
hahaha... no i didn't say the exact word to the young man hahaha.
intinya si gitu, jadi manusia harus tegar, sedih sih boleh, tapi jangan lama lama.
dan abis itu harus kuasain diri sendiri, calm yourself down.
learn where you were wrong, get yourself together, walk away and be a better person.