When you fall, bounce

One of my favorite phrase.

i love the term it as it makes me stronger, when i'm weak,

suka gue pasang di status whatsapp.

ketemunya sih pas lagi sedih sebenernya.

lupa sih waktu itu gara gara apa, pokoknya aku nelangsa.

aku memang melankolis kaya betharia... *pegang pegang pipi*

terus gue mikir, mau sampe kapan sedih kaya gini?

namanya manusia tu jatuh bangun aku mengejarmu,

naik turun kaya roda delman.

gausah terlalu dipikirin lah cyin, jadi tambah sedih loh.

gravity rules, things fall, reality bites.

when you fall, you can just lay down there and cry kaya betharia & akikah.

or you can bounce. kaya bola.

walopun bouncingan-nya pertama tama pelan,

don't worry. keep bouncing.

lama lama jadi semakin tinggi, tinggi tinggi tinggi,

tau tau kita udah gak nyusruk dibawah lagi.

then i did exactly what i thought.

gue memaksa diri berenti nelangsa, gue move on.

gue kerjain hal lain yang bisa membuat diri gue sendiri bouncing.

bounce bounce bounce, sampe ahirnya gue bisa tegak lagi,

bisa ngeliat kejadian nyusruk itu hanya sebagai "one of those bad days i had"

that kind of power i didn't know i have, until that nelangsa ala betharia day.

terus ahir ahir ini ketemu one of those bad days ngga?

oh cencunyahhh mwahahaha...

kejadiannya persis sebelum asisten hengkang. ini soal yang lain dari soal homemaking.

for many times, i failed because i didn't try hard enough,

karna gue gak mau belajar dari kesalahan, karna gue gak sabaran.

karna gue kelamaan nelangsa betharia, karna gue ini dan gue itu...

i just knew that it actually hurt even more, when you failed,

over another thing beyond your reach. things you can't control.
there's nothing i can do to prevent this from happening, or to improve this.
frustrating! 

ketika gue nyusruk, dan nelangsa betharia because i might lose my scholarship,

my besties helped me calm, bilang bahwa secara logika IPK gue gak mungkin dibawah 3.
and there's no way i would lose the scholarship.
oh dear, thanks girls, for keeping me sane *peyuk*

but still, it crushes me to the bone, i had that "fall to the ground and die" moment,
knowing i might lose something i've been fighting for.
ih pingin nangis rasanya kalo emang bener kejadian.
i took a long pause. i go back to my long term vision.
gue rasa that's the only quick remedy untuk saat ini. 
gue harus lulus bareng bareng seangkatan gue, amin.
picturing hari wisuda, gue pengen dandan cantik, terus ke gedung wisuda,
sama erw, arka, kinan, bapak ibu gue, nenox kalo jadi pulang.
terus foto sama sohib sohib cantik gue, kalo perlu beli kebaya kembaran.
sama orang orang pinter yang udah mau ngajarin gue A to Z.
i stick to my vision.

minggu lalu gue ketemu klien, yang lulusan S3,
abis ngomongin projek, kita ngobrol santai.
dia bilang, pas dia lagi down banget sama kuliahnya, dia mikirin yang ringan & lucu.
things like: pake kebaya apa ya pas wisuda? make up nya gimana?
oh wow!!!
ternyata orang pintar peraih gelar doktor pun melakukan hal hal cupu kayak gitu ya,
hahaha. aku ngga nyangka. abis itu gue langsung pingin ke mestik, liat bahan hahaha.
that helps me bounce a bit, actually.
gue dapet semangat lagi untuk lupain apa yang kemaren gue alamin,
one of those bad days. they're just days. it's over anyway, i gotta move on.

once hati gue agak enteng untuk urusan ini, darrr mba housekeeper resign.
hahaha, combo deh nyusruknyah.
but you know what, ternyata ambang batas endurance gue udah meningkat tajam by then.
yang tadinya langsung galau kalo ditinggal asisten, i wasn't.

ketika si mbak nya pergi, gue keep kalem...
i only need to watch 1 good movie, makan mie instan, minum greentea dingin.
and after 2 hours, i'm back!!! ready to do laundry and the dishes.
sama ngosek garasi & teras.
that day, erw and kids are away. it turns out that being alone heals me faster.
ketika mereka pada pulang, i was a happy bunny rabbit!

what i also learn was, when you get use to bounce after the fall,
you somehow escalate your endurance. to pain, in this matter.
lama lama kayak terminator. gak mempan kalo ditembak...
lama lama gak berasa sakitnya in a good way ya...
lama lama hati gue terbiasa untuk ngatur emosi gue sendiri,
lama lama bisa bilang "i'll be back" kalo lagi nyusruk.

dan paling penting,
untuk ngga terlalu drop kalo ternyata ekspektasi gue jauhhh dari kejadian.
when you get use to it. Everyhing else will be easier to handle.
kaya kena combo nyusruk itu tadi, lama lama, only took 2 hours to fix me.

this post is my own personal reminder, a self note for me to keep,
karena gue & betharia pasti neglangsa basamo lagi suatu hari.
when one of those days linger around again, i shall read this post,
and be stronger. because life wont stop challenging,
and i won't stop adapting.

JIYEHHH!
ngomong gampang, ntar kalo nelangsa lagi minta beliin sepatu juju ajah.